There's been trouble in Fanboyville for months now ; yet, Redneck officials still refuse to admit that evil arises once again from the deserted ashes of the cursed city. Persisting rumours have it that a virus may be at the origin of at least part of the trouble. In those times of Negromnium frenzy, some also suggest that there is a Negrotonane leak somewhere – and who says Negrotonane, says Negromnium.

Lungscorcher Incorporated have therefore sent some of their crack agents on a top secret mission in Fanboyville – whatever they find, be it virus or Negrotonane, it is bound to be an asset to the company.

Cleverly disguised as New Helder tourists to fool Redneck authorities, the group of investigators led by Agent El Duderino soon discovered what life in Fanboyville was like, when a mob a hungry zombies bit Agent Thorpos' head off.

The remaining four agents fled in panic and were about to regroup when Agent Yellow spotted a building where they might be in safety for a while: it had an elevator which, if it proved functional, would take them out of reach. She called the other agents in her communicator, and as soon as her proposal was OK'd by El Duderino, everyone ran to the building.

But when they thought they were in safety, they heard more funny noises ahead.

"M33+ yaR D00m, ya FukKin' L4MaZ !!!! Da ReTa|2D3d |23ven6Er !!!!!"

Victory conditions :The game is a standard "rush to the middle of the table". Both parties must reach the elevator – on turn 5, the elevator will take whoever is in it to the rooftop, making them victorious.

Deployment : The agents were scattered and had not yet regrouped when they reached the game area. The Retarded Revenger’s acolytes ambushed them in their own particular style, which implies that both factions are split in two groups, each of which being randomly deployed in the middle of a table quarter.

Special rules :

• Agent El Duderino is a Character, and the only Corporate figure with a Control Radius – bear it in mind.
• The Retarded Revenger is a Character. His men are separated in two Troop units.
• As darkness is coming, maximum range for firearms is 18". This is a "Versus" mod type of game – see the pdf for more information.
• Although the point values are balanced (about 250pts per side), this scenario, as you can imagine, is not balanced at all (have you ever tried planning a successful assault with stupid or enraged troops when the enemies are the only ones carrying missile weapons ? If you haven't, you should !) are bound to win.

El Duderino and Woods were facing a group of maniacs.

It caused them great emotion.

At the other end of the table, Yellow and Garcia were confronted with a foul mob of retards.

"Bob, I’m afraid !" Yellow said.

"Don't worry, honey – I’m here" Garcia replied.

"Agah! Agah! Hey, biscuit, biscuit, agah!!!"

"Wanna heavy weapon blister ? Wanna heavy weapon blister ? Wanna heavy weapon blister ? Wanna heavy weapon blister ? Wanna heavy weapon blister ? Gaaaaaah."

"Kewlio-gango! Kewlio-gango!"

"Waaaaaargh!"

Life can be stressful in Fanboyville...

"Mmmh... Those retards are rushing towards us in the open – this is not very clever, is it ?"

Woods shot down one of the maniacs with his shotgun.

"CHARGE!!!!!" the Retarded Revenger yelled. He was followed by two henchmen, while the others were gazing at something in the distance, drooling and urinating.

Agent Yellow killed one of the retards with a well aimed shot.

"I’ll piss on you !"

The looneys didn't have time to, as the corporate agents killed them both.

The way to the elevator was free for El Duderino and Woods, although they might have to give the other agents a hand.

Suddenly, the Retarded Revenger’s memory went blank : what was the plan again ? The retards he had left behind him had the idea to follow their leader. Not a bad plan.

In the meantime, Yellow and Garcia who were still running towards the elevator, fired unlucky shots that didn’t hit the corner of a tard.

As Der Bozzo was looking for an idea far up his nostrils, the retards attacked massively: the Retarded Revenger even had an opportunity to use his piss-tol. Fortunately for Agent Garcia, the flow of warm liquid passed over his shoulder.

When he and Yellow retaliated, it was to take down two sub-human monsters more.

This was too much for the remaining retards, who bravely decided to run away, clearing the path to the elevator for the agents.

Woods, who knows what fun is about, did a silly hand-puppet show. Garcia said naughty things about Yellow’s dress, while El Duderino told her to shake it baby.

"Hello Mum, I’m safe. Won’t be home for dinner though. Ok. Gotta go, now – the elevator’s ready to elevate."

That was so close ! Neither player remembered playing such a breathtaking game. At every moment, they felt things might have gone a radically different way. And it is true that, had they bogused the report with more cover for the retards and arranged dice rolls, the Retarded Revenger could have taken the revenge of generations of loathsome retards on the true human genotype.

Using figures by East Riding Miniatures, who sponsor the Iron Dream Tournament 4 (buy tons of their figures), certainly was a wise decision, and proved a critical advantage during the game. That and playing against enemies that actually played half the game and spent the rest of it doing nothing except getting shot down.

No doubt the retarded player will remember that failure and think of using miniatures from one of our other friendly sponsors for a better result ! Perhaps the gorgeous Hasslefree Adventurers would get better dice rolls ? Or maybe those fantastic Girls with guns by Olley's Armies ? Or why not try the beautiful Rednecks by the ShockForce Warehouse, the wonderful Gangstars by Obelisk Miniatures, or the awesome heroes from Fictional Miniatures ?

Stay tuned for our next exciting battle report !